Getting back in the groove.

Let’s just say it - sex after birth can be scary.

Your body has been through an INCREDIBLE amount of new experiences since the last time it’s been together with a partner, and getting back in the groove can feel like a lot of pressure, or be so far off your radar it’s hard to even remember a time when you did have sex!

If you do have good recall, and are thinking about being intimate again, here’s a few things to keep in mind;

If you have any ongoing bleeding, or any other existing, or birth related complications , get in touch with your health care practitioner to discuss whether or not you are physically ready. The uterus takes time to heal and reseal.

In general, the wait time to engage in sexual intercourse is 6 weeks, minimum. And really, ONLY when you are ready. For many women that could look more like 8-12 weeks.

Open communication with your partner is key. Talk about the first time you TRY, being exactly that - a trial run. There is no shame in starting, and needing to stop.

Being “touched out” is an understandable Mom complaint. Before sex, talk to your partner about the areas that are no-gos. Maybe you keep your hair tied back and would rather wear a bra the whole time. That’s great! Lay out the ground rules, and expect them to be respected.

Three words - dry, dry, dry. Sex after birth can have a burning sensation to it, especially if you are breastfeeding. A lot of your natural lubricant is now being absorbed into milk making, and leaves other areas…well, dry. The product “Mae by Damiva” (a natural vaginal suppository) is a fantastic help for this, and can be purchased at most drug stores. And don’t forget the lube!

If you are cleared for sex, are all lubed up, and are still finding intercourse painful, pelvic floor physio is a fantastic resource. We love Heather Conlin @thatphysioheather right here in town, and also hear great things about Seaway Physio, in Prescott.

Intimacy with your partner is important, but it may look different now that you are in family mode. As a person who has just given birth, your body has changed. Your instincts have changed, and so we should expect our desires and engagement with sex to have changed as well. Remember that not all intimacy has to include sexual intercourse. COMMUNICATE with your partner! It’s okay, and healthy to start slow and set limits. A date night out, kissing and cuddling can be a great place to start.

But...don’t leave it too long. If it really has been a while, and then a couple more weeks (or months!!) past “a while”, talk to your partner. Agree to do a trial run. And start somewhere. (Don’t let sex become the elephant in the bedroom). Sex is an important part of a healthy relationship. Keep talking, keep connecting, keep trying, and ask trusted resources for help!

*Women who have experienced birth trauma, or any kind of abuse or trauma, should take their experiences into account. Consider reaching out to @birthtruamaottawa for understanding and support.*