IVs, Bloodwork and Hospital Stays

I am filled with both sadness and relief when I look back at photos from this week at KGH.

Sadness because this was my firstborn and I was terrified by the weight of the responsibility it required to care for him well.

Sadness because despite my best efforts, despite people’s encouragement, or circumstances I could or couldn’t control - he was not well…I knew it all along, but I didn’t have the confidence yet as a new mom to stand behind that intuition, or the language to describe what my heart was telling me. Something was NOT right, and it wasn’t teething, a flu virus, or a hunger cue. It was something wayyy out of my breadth of being able to manage or make right, and for any mom that is our worst fear.

And relief - a huge relief. Because by the time we got to KGH for this boy’s first Christmas, and stayed the whole week I was so, so grateful to have the affirmation of the staff and to feel that the weight of responsibility to give him what he needed was lifted. My boy was FINALLY getting the proper care that he needed, and that I knew I couldn’t give him.

And relief because, when the symptoms unexpectedly returned I was able to recognize them right away, and had grown the voice I needed to not be brushed aside or dismissed when I knew my baby needed medical help.

I wouldn’t wish an experience like this on anyone. Not any part of it. Navigating postpartum is difficult enough on its own, let alone caring for a baby that has medical complications. Still, I can see so clearly now the strength it has provided me.

To, as a Mom:
above all trust yourself,
know your limitations and ask for help,
fight for your children and then fight a little harder,
and to be an advocate for other families in similar situations.

We were not meant to do this alone.
We are not meant to sit in our corners thinking we are the only ones who have walked these difficult, isolating paths.

We are meant to share, to listen, to learn, and to uplift one another with encouragement and the hope that, “Hey, you too are going to get through this. You too, are going to be okay.” 💜 PT