The First 40 Days

First 40 Days

I feel like overall I loved my first 40 days, while also experiencing the most challenging days of my life.

Before birth, I expected the first 40 days to be very difficult. But I also expected it to have an element of bliss and joy as I bonded with my new baby and set healthy boundaries in place.

I thought it would feel quite bizarre and almost like a dream...it was such a big mysterious unknown.

The actual experience was like I had thought it would be, yet not at all what I thought! If that makes any sense. It was certainly difficult, but it was the level of difficulty that was far greater than I could have ever imagined.

I remember a friend telling me about her experience with it and she said that it's common for people to fixate on preparing for the birth and thinking that's a huge deal when really it's the recovery period immediately after that is so intense.

Sleep deprivation is exhausting in a way you can't be ready for, and you are managing many bodily things at once while also processing your birth experience and any trauma from it. I think it's important to prepare as much as you can, but the truth is, you can't ever be fully prepared because you will be meeting a new part of yourself, and also a new human - your baby!

You will learn how to meet that newness as it comes.

For me, it was all about my mindset and putting support systems into place before my baby was born. Some things happened that I still feel bitterness towards, like visitors that came too soon even though I tried putting my foot down, or unexpected things out of my control like having to go to the ER with an infection.

I try to remember the beautiful moments, like the tray of food and hot tea that was brought to me several times a day pretty much every day, and even the small things like the bouquet of sunflowers on the nightstand that made my bedroom feel brighter as I laid in bed healing my body and feeding my baby.

Big milestones during the first 40 days were when I stopped counting whether I did at least one of my "three non-negotiables" of the day. The three I chose were a nap, a shower, and a walk. Some days I did all three, but most days it was one or two of them so that I could take care of my mental and emotional wellbeing. I remember feeling how vital it was to stay on top of that and then there was one day when I stopped worrying about it and was able to start naturally doing what I felt like without it being "non-negotiable".

Another milestone was when I stopped wearing the oversized underwear and cleared the bathroom counter of the thick maxi pads, and all the bandages and cleaning solution for my c- c-section wound. Also, when I stopped taking antibiotics, and the pain pills...that was a big milestone to celebrate.

One more milestone was cooking my favorite pancake recipe one morning because I was excited and energized to do it!

I don't quite remember when any of these milestones happened, I didn't notice the day and make note of it, which would have been a nice thing to do in retrospect.

What surprised me about the PP experience was how quickly I can heal if I allow myself the rest. I am so much stronger than I thought, which was also shown to me during my birth experience.

Another surprising thing was how many baby clothes and toys people gifted us while visiting when really what we needed the most was homemade meals and snacks!

Honestly, I felt overwhelmed by all this “stuff” for the baby, most of which we didn't need. Our real focus was to heal and nourish my body and take good care of my baby, not sort baby clothes or wash new toys. However, I should mention that some people did bring us food, and we are so grateful for that!

Completing the first 40 days felt like a right of passage, or initiation. It felt like running and winning a marathon. It felt like an emergence out of a cacoon or nest.

I'm so happy I took that special time for myself and my baby. It made a big difference in how ready I felt to engage with the world afterward. Even when a surge of energy arose, I remembered my doula advising me to not necessarily jump on expending it, but rather savour it or “save” it for later...this reminder to keep things slow was very helpful.

In some cultures, they believe that how a woman is treated and how she feels during the first 40 or 42 days of PP will determine her health for the next 40 or 42 years! Knowing this, I made it my goal to take this time and make it the best I could. I felt cared for by myself and others. I felt the importance of a strong foundation for my family. I felt valued as a Mother.

Overall, I don't feel like 40 days is the appropriate timeline for PP healing. I think the healing continues for many months and years after. It's almost like it never really ends. Continuing to put yourself first so that you can be your healthiest, best self is a great key to having healthy children, families, and communities.

If I could go back, I would tell myself to always be kind to myself and not get stuck on things that aren't going how I expected. I would tell myself that you are doing the absolute best I can at this moment, and even if that still doesn't feel enough, I will find the time and strength to make improvements later.

The first time doing something new with a baby (however simple or small!) can feel very overwhelming, but it will get easier and one day it will be a distant memory as you become a pro at so many things!

Also, you are worthy of love NO MATTER how your PP time goes, what things happen or don't happen, and the rollercoaster of conflicting emotions you may face. And last but not least, know that your baby loves you beyond measure. That YOU are loved beyond measure.