This is my redemption birth story...

Before this birth, I had experienced one stillbirth and two live births that were both far less than ideal.

My first introduction to birth involved being induced with Cervidil every 3 hours and shot up with Demerol and morphine. Each dose was a different person and nothing was gentle or respectful.

Next birth, a year later, I had so much stored-up trauma that every time we got to the hospital thinking I was in labor, it would stop. Ten days later, Baby finally made a speedy delivery at home attended by paramedics. To their credit, they were lovely, but they were still complete strangers coming into my bedroom in the middle of the night.

The third experience, I had planned to birth at home in the summer of 2021. I had my waters broken manually and things went pretty quickly until our 9lbs10oz boy got stuck. The midwife had to reach up grab his arm and pull him out. He was shocked by the whole thing and made no effort for himself for several minutes.

These experiences left me feeling traumatized and left a huge hole in my heart for the birth I desperately wanted to have.

This birth story is my redemption birth!

My early labour began around 1pm after my waters were broken artificially that morning.

With a history of fast-active labours, and just enough experience to know not to wait, I paged the midwife around 2:15pm, asking her to check me.

I knew I was not in active labour yet, but the longer I overthought it and waited for a sign to know when to page, the more my early labour contractions would lessen in intensity and space out.

I needed to be able to turn off my logical mind for the primal instincts to take over. As I had learned in spiritual midwifery, "Let your monkey do it!"

Also, the desire to be private, cozy, and not interrupted was very strong. My "monkey" needed everyone present, but not in my face.

The midwife arrived about 2:30pm and after examination found that I was still at 4cm, but 90% effaced and easily able to be stretched to 6cm. I was completely ok with this news. My body was working, and I continued to reinforce it positively!

With each contraction I sank into a deep squat, hanging off the counter and repeating mantras in my head like, "I am thankful for the power of this surge", "This surge brings me closer to meeting my baby" and, "I want the surges to get stronger."

Aloud I something like, "God! Someone hold my back and apply pressure!", "Lord how big is this baby!?" and "Ouchie! Hold my hips!!"

Genia called Emily who arrived shortly before 3pm and my doula, Jac, arrived just before Emily.

This was the first time we added a doula to the experience and it really made my birth so much better! The doula and my husband worked as a team applying pressure to ease my pain with each contraction. They were there for me offering cold compresses, sips of my drink, and hard candies for quick energy. My husband says the doula was the only one who could joke and talk to me. The relationship we had built while I was pregnant served us well in labour!

A switch flicked around 3:45pm and I got a contraction that knocked me down, crying and swearing!

I quickly found my way to the birthing pool and told my apprehensive husband to get in with me. This was an unexpected pregnancy, and I wasn’t overly excited about the surprise of adding another person to our family at this time. I'm sure I said it many times throughout pregnancy with bitterness, "I didn’t get myself pregnant! So you can expect to share in every aspect of pain that comes with pregnancy and birth!" And I meant it! Especially now as I was working hard to give birth to our son.

The water was amazing! I was able to relax, get my head together, and give my attitude an adjustment back to a place of gratitude.

In the water I shifted in different positions - opening the top of my pelvis and rotating the middle, trying to get my son out. I wasn’t fully dilated, but I could feel him sitting low, waiting.

It felt as though he was ready, but stuck on my front pubic bone, as I moved this way and that before deciding to get out of the pool to change the angles of my pelvis by sitting on the birth stool. Because the stool was placed in the centre of the living room, my contractions began to space out. You might think, "Why does it matter where the stool was sitting!?" But to a labouring person, these things can really matter!

As my contractions lessened, I became chatty and distracted and was kindly “sent off" to do the stairs. At that point, I reached the silent phase of labour and had people thinking I was no longer contracting.

I quickly returned to the pool after going up and down the stairs once.

As time passed things were progressing, but not as fast as I wanted or expected.

I was tired, grumpy, and complaining.

The willpower to go into the eye of the storm to surrender everything necessary to complete this birth was really hard. It often is.

I spoke out loud to my baby that I wanted him to come. That we were safe, and that I had his back if he had mine.

I had gone over his birth thousands of times in my head.

I had talked to him about what it was like.

I voiced my fears to my team that came from my last birth.

I let everything that scared me about my birth out so that it no longer had power over me.

Then the midwives tried a trick - and had one of them leave to see if that helped things progress.

Sure enough, as soon as the second attending stepped out my baby surged down.

The first midwife quickly called the second one in, and in response, my baby went back up.

It was several minutes before my body had an uncontrollable urge to push again.

Everyone was waiting on what felt like bated breath. Birth is so magical for those watching it take place, but it is definitely not a spectator sport, and here's why:

For me, it felt as though I had an entire audience watching while I experienced all the worst symptoms of food poisoning. The sensations of fetal ejection reflex mimic that same feeling before diarrhea, or vomit explodes from either end! Behind the magic of birth, is a person working SO hard and feeling pretty terrible, as everything shifts to allow their baby to be born.

Absolutely incredible, but not pleasant.

I turned my back in the pool and had everyone, except my husband, go behind a wall. I growled yelled and fluttered my lips like a horse.

Keeping the face relaxed helps the bottom relax!

My husband helped by rubbing my inner thighs and bum. Touching these areas has been proven effective in increasing blood flow and elasticity to the area that must stretch for Baby.

Everyone was wonderful - respecting my space and need for privacy, while still giving the highest level of care. The communication lines stayed open all the way through.

I was switching positions and finally came to rest in a semi-fowler position. In one contraction my son went from what felt like a -2 -3 station to full crowning. In between the contractions, I could feel him moving and hiccuping, which was so reassuring! And then with the next contraction out came my 8lbs 15oz and 21” long son!!!

The first midwife caught him and placed him on me.

This was the moment I didn’t get with my last son!

This precious, tender moment witnessing my baby take his first breath! Being completely present in that moment with him felt amazing, and allowed my mind to catch up to this perfect new person resting on me.

Those moments are sacred, mixed with grief and sorrow, love and joy.

But really, so much joy!

I didn’t get to have this experience with my other two births. So, as much joy as I was feeling, I was also really grasping for the first time how much I had lost out on with my other babies. And I grieved those moments.

From this birth, I have healed parts of my heart, found new depths to my strength, and reinforced that the people who are present with you holding space for your birth are incredibly special.

You shared with them some of the most intimate, special moments life has to offer. The gratitude can feel overwhelming.

Yes, for many, the whole experience takes much longer and the pushing is way harder. But don’t lose all hope, not every first birth is long and grueling. Sometimes they do go smoothly and quickly!

I did notice each labour consistently followed a pattern; long early labour, vocal phase, silent phase moody/complaining phase, yelling-at-a-wall phase, feeling sick like I have food poisoning phase, then pushing phase.

After this redemptive labour, I had a 1st-degree tear, no stitches, and a controlled hemorrhage. The baby had strong Apgar scores and was nursed around 15 minutes after birth. Now he is a thriving 6-week-old baby weighing close to 13 pounds and 23 inches long!